I may be shamed as a black woman writing these words but I am a rebel and I embrace the fire that may come from this.
Black men are hypocrites when it comes to the -ism.
As a race we have pushed for decades for the same equal rights that our white counterparts enjoy so freely. We have watched black man after black man get killed or if not that, are shown that those basic human rights do not apply to them. As a race, most of us have experienced, encountered, or have had someone explain racism in its most raw form. A blatantly obvious lack of respect for a human being whose biggest and most condemned difference is the amount of melanin in their skin.
As black women, we are expected to support our our black brothers, fight for them enough to make change, and let them and the world know that they are kings. Well we have. We have stood together as a race to combat the unapologetic slaying of our own men.
We love our black men but they don't always love us back.
Black men subconsciously enjoy the privileges of the patriarchal society that we live in. We (black women) have been lessened and viewed as the bottom of the barrel when it comes to having a premium woman. Jewel Woods wrote this essay titled “Black Male Privilege Checklist” https://www.deanza.edu/faculty/lewisjulie/The%20Black%20Male%20Privilege%20Checklist.pdf on behalf of the Renaissance Male Project. The essay was written around 2008, and while we have progressed from some items on the list, the overall tone still reigns true.
Our brothers attempt to control us by telling us that we aren’t good enough, aren’t beautiful enough, not smart to be held in the highest regard and with the utmost respect, and comparing us to those that they view as worthy. In the past 3–5 years, I have noticed our brothers growing more and more angry that black women have adopted the same mindset. I have noticed more interracial (black women with white men) couples than I could have ever imagined in my younger days.
The subconscious sexism our society reeks of, including the black society in itself, is no different from the racism that we experience; but we’re supposed to act like it is okay. (Just look at how men, of all races, including black, ran up a wall after Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion decided to be rebellious enough to drop the single AND the video for WAP.)
Recently I was in the barbershop listening to a conversation between the men there about how disgusting it is that black women want to date white men. I decided to ask them why they felt it is disgusting. They paused. They had to stop to evaluate why they even felt that way. Here’s what they came up with:
“White men view black men in a disrespectful way so why should they be able to date and marry and impregnate our sisters?”
“Black men are subject to more scrutiny and deserve (meanin: are entitled to) the support of black women.”
“Black women are our women. They want to take everything that belongs to us.”
Subconscious patriarchy. They feel like we belong to them but not necessarily vice versa. We aren’t good enough for them but we’re supposed to believe that we cannot be viewed as worthy outside of their view. I proceeded to ask them to take a moment to think back and reflect on how they’ve treated black women. They all admitted that black men have not always treated black women respectfully, and still don't. They also admitted that even though it is okay for them to find “better” outside of the black race, black women should feel ashamed for doing so.
I heard a black man say that women need to stop acting like we should have the same respect as a man because we are not men. I replied to him by saying that no woman is asking to be respected as a man, we are asking to be respected as human beings; the same way we want white people to respect us as a race. When we protest and demand respect and equality, we’re not asking to be white. We are asking that we be respected and given the same privileges simply because we are human too.
Black man, your subconscious sexism is racism in a different form. Do better.
For those that have already arrived at this conclusion and hold black women in high regard, thank you.
